Have you ever felt pushed to the edge by your children? Of course you have. So what techniques do you use when you are ready to hit your boiling point? Do you yell and scream? Threaten to take away your child’s favorite items? Or do you throw your hands up and cry? Whatever your method, if you feel that you lose control over the moment, I’ve got just the thing for you.

Stay calm. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Just when you think you’ll blow your top, stop and think, “Stay calm.” You will be surprised at the results. What does it solve to blow up and scream and yell at your children? Other than scaring the life out of them probably nothing, right?

So rather than scaring your children into submission so that you can get some peace, try controlling your own anger and teaching your children how to follow instructions. It is much harder than it sounds, I know. According to an article in Infant Mental Health Journal, children who experience rejection from parents may develop a self-concept of being unlovable and may view others as unloving and untrustworthy (Burrous, Crockenberg, & Leerkes, 2009). On the contrary, when parents are sensitive, loving, and accepting role models, children see themselves as worthy and loveable and others as loving and trustworthy, which gives us parents even more reason to keep our attitudes in check.
So how do you do that? Here are a few tips:

Talk to yourself. No, I’m not kidding. Parents are people too and sometimes we need a little pep talk. Positive self-talk can help you to organize your thoughts and evaluate the situation for what it is. Also, it gives you time to calm down.

Breathe deeply. Do not hold your breath during stressful situations. Use breathing techniques to calm yourself. In stressful situations your emotions can get the best of you and you may say or do something you’ll later regret. Take a moment to breathe and think of a positive way to resolve the situation.

Focus on your child’s feelings and thoughts. Does your child understand what he or she has done wrong? If not, focus on them and explain why you are angry, upset, or disappointed. Remember what their teachers tell them, “Use your words.”

Identify self-defeating patterns that create stress within yourself and your child. Then teach your children to cope with their own anger and stress once you’ve conquered your own.

[Reference: Burrous, C., Crockenberg, S. C., & Leerkes, E. M. (2009). Developmental history of care and control, depression and anger: Correlates of maternal sensitivity in toddlerhood. Infant Mental Health Journal, 30(2), 103-123.]